I’ll be posting regularly from now on. this is a horrible sign. I don’t care.
okay, I’ll say it. I miss my eating disorder. I miss it so, so much. it ruined my life, it tore it to fucking shreds but for some twisted, sick reason, I miss it. I miss the purpose it gave me, the goals, the happiness and elation as the weight fell off. part of me doesn’t want to descend back into it, the other yearns for it.
I’ve felt its pull over the past couple of days. I’ll get a few bites into a meal and then just stop, for no explicable reason. I’ve gained 10 kg since my lowest weight, 10 disgusting kg. I miss the hunger. I miss the weightlessness. I miss the floating. I’m sick of feeling full and bloated and disgusting.
I need it back. I need my disorder back.
