today will be one of the hardest of my life.
so fucking sad. so exhausted. so sick of the hate. so tired of being a burden. so hated.
it’s funny. when I went back and restarted this blog, I was getting happy again. it’s all crashing down now. I’m more depressed than ever and it’s only getting worse. I need to learn that I’m never going to be happy or content. that this depression is never going away. no matter what or how hard I try. I’ll be sad forever.
I’m going to try so hard not to end it today. I need to so badly. but I can’t. I musn’t. I can’t leave yet. I’m so selfish.
if I somehow make it through the day, I’m reverting back to old habits. if I can’t make myself go away entirely, I’ll minimise my existence as much as possible. I don’t give a fuck about being healthy anymore. I just want to disappear. going to be really, really tiny. if I make it through today.
